once you've learned to fly
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Takumi talks to a sleeping Ryousuke. (Note: Shounen-ai)


**Fandom: Initial D  
Title: once you've learned to fly.  
Pairing: Ryousuke + Takumi  
Rating: pg  
Description: Takumi talks to a sleeping Ryousuke.**

**Disclaimer - Initial D isn****'****t mine.  
**

When the air is hot and the stakes are high, who is it that you most trust in the world? When you put your hands on the steering wheel, there's nothing else that's more important than doing your best and keeping yourself intact. The high is so bad that you don't know if you'll ever come down.

When you go too fast, you'll crash and burn.

I can see myself crash in slow motion. I wonder if I'll make it out alive.

I wonder if I ever valued my life.

And it is in that moment that I realize that I always have. It is in that same instant that I realize that I didn't think of myself. A hazy image flashes before my eyes and I see those eyes look at me with their depth of understanding.  
I clearly hear his voice in my head calling my name.

I grip onto the steering wheel and know it isn't over yet. Not by a long shot.

As long…  
As long as I stay beside this person,

I can do anything.

I have to make it to the finish line.  
No matter what.

**once you****'****ve learned to fly.  
By miyamoto yui  
**

With a jerk, he immediately opened his eyes to the light shining into the windshield and the glare from the hood. He blinked his eyes as he slowly rose his seat up. His head finally registered that there was a hand over his own while he unconsciously gripped the emergency brake. When he turned his head, the light-haired boy's eyes focused on the man next to him.

"Ryousuke-san…" he mumbled without thinking as he looked down at the hand gripping onto his.  
He tried to pull away, but he couldn't. It was both because he didn't want to let go and the fact that Ryousuke's hand would not even budge a centimeter. All he could do was run a hand through his hair as he glanced from side to side not knowing what to do.

How had this happened? How_ had _ Ryousuke ended up sleeping in the 86?

But he wouldn't think too much about it. It was already enough that the calmness of the scene outside of the car didn't parallel that of what was happening inside of him. He was blushing as his heartbeats became faster and faster. The dream had already made him dizzy, but inside reality, this was all too overwhelming.  
That was when the boy leaned his free arm over the steering wheel and put his chin on it as if pouting. Covering his mouth and almost half of his face, he regarded the setting in front of him.

Where was everyone? Oh, that's right, they were supposed to come later on. Ryousuke had called him privately to come to the site first.

"Even if we're just in the car all day, I just want you to see what's there," Ryousuke had told him while clicking away on his laptop. Then, the screen's brightness reflected off his face as he turned towards the boy that made him throw out everything he ever learned about anything in the world. He stopped typing as he took a deep breath while closing the laptop slowly. "Would that be all right with you, Fujiwara?"

The handsome man could never call the boy intimately by his name. He felt it would cross a line that he would never want to take back once he did.

Takumi nodded his head while wondering why he didn't want his brother with them if that was the case. Was it because he needed more training? Was that the reason behind this?  
There were times that he couldn't understand Ryousuke's reasoning, but he trusted him all the same. There wasn't room for doubt, was there?

The mountain pass didn't have as much greenery as the last one and even though the road looked smooth, it was anything but. It was long and narrow to the point that he didn't know if he could have trusted himself.  
But he had to. And he believed in his baby and the person next to him.

Just a little, he grabbed onto Ryousuke's hand a bit tighter.

"Ryousuke-san…Oi, Ryousuke-san," he softly said while looking at him. He was trying to wake him, but allthemore, he was trying to test him if he would wake up. Maybe he didn't want him to just yet.

Couldn't things stay like this for a while? For a student who had done so much researching both for his schooling and out on the road, he must have been exhausted. And Takumi was just as daunted by the pressures of life.

Ryousuke didn't flinch once.

Even though he should have kept things to himself, Takumi sighed as his eyes narrowed while concentrating on the feel of the road before them. Usually, he was quiet, but he figured that while he was here, he might as well "talk" to him. Even if it was only a one-way conversation.

On his part, there were more things than this that were only one-way…

His white turtleneck suffocated him as his throat tightened. He opened the window a little.  
He was unsure to even tell a sleeping Ryousuke about what he was thinking. That's how much he valued his presence, his infectious eyes, his silent chaotic passion over this "game".

"I'm scared."

Takumi took a deep breath as he tried to let out the tension through those two words alone. And yet, they carried such excruciating weight that it took him a few minutes to continue on with what he could not say to the person he could not look at in the eyes.  
Whenever he did, he would melt. His body would react in a way that he couldn't comprehend or even pretend to hide.

Just being patted on the shoulder made him blush and so happy.

"Even though I say that things are okay and fun, there's still that voice of doubt. I push it away whenever I'm faced with a new challenge, but it isn't easy. The pressure isn't always in the game, Ryousuke-san.  
"It's from myself. And equally, it's from you."

He gulped as his hand tried to pull away, but he found himself holding on a bit more than before.

"I want to be the best there is. I've worked towards that, but the more I stay in this project, I realized one important thing you were telling me without saying a word: There are many paths. All your life, you've been told that there was only one. You've believed there was only one. You've lived with only one."

He looked at Ryousuke and dusted off some of his dark blue sweater. Wanting to reaching out more towards him, he quietly pushed Ryousuke's bangs away from his face so that he could see him more clearly. His handsome profile stared at him as he blinked quietly, watching him as he wanted to be watched by the man who was directing his life vision.

"But there isn't only one when you come out into the real world. There will be many paths at your fingertips. You will become lost. But as long as you keep your goal in view, you'll surely get there. That's what you've been trying to tell me, haven't you?"

Silence.  
The wind blew, caressing his ear gently.

"And the further I go, the more confused I become. I'm building up my confidence too along the way. We've been to many places and there were times that I thought I couldn't make it out alive." His eyes turned over to the mountain pass again. He touched the windshield, outlining the road with his fingertips as if he were a little kid tracing his next drawing. "But it's become harder, Ryousuke. It's become too much and I'm too stubborn to admit that I have limits. That isn't how I am. Or how I live. I don't want to have to put a limit on myself just because the circumstances or people want me to."

Once again, he watched Ryousuke's peaceful, sleeping face. It was different than the intense one he was always accustomed to seeing.

"But in the back of my mind, when I drive, I think about what you've been planning even though you've told me. I wonder about how you feel or how you think. How do you live like this, Ryousuke-san? I don't think what I feel now even comes close to how you are every second you're awake. That's why I want you to sleep just a bit longer."

He couldn't quite say aloud or admit his insecurity.

_Even though I know all the statistics and your reasons, they make no sense to me. They don__'__t want to inside my brain._

In his heart, he asked, "Why'd you pick me?"

Ryousuke stirred a bit as his lips parted to say, "Takumi, be careful."

"Huh?" Takumi's eyes, which had closed out of all the tension he was experiencing, opened at the call of his name. When had Ryousuke ever thought of calling him anything but Fujiwara?

"Why are you doing that? It's dangerous." He took a deep breath while still sleep talking. "But you always surpass anything I ever project."

Ryousuke was laughing and Takumi couldn't believe his eyes or his ears.

He was beyond crying, but his face couldn't show more about how shocked and how touched he was.

"Please keep him safe until he comes back to the finish line."

Takumi turned his body towards Ryousuke. He leaned closer towards him while putting his hand on his chest.

"Until he comes back to me."

He smiled and closed his eyes. Then, he whispered into Ryousuke's ear. "Ryousuke-san. Ryousuke-san, you have to wake up now."

Ryousuke slowly blinked his eyes to see Takumi in front of him. He imagined all the different times when this happened in his dreams, but not in real life. It wasn't meant to be like that. Not to him.

There was too much on the line in order to sacrifice it for the one thing he didn't think he'd ever need.

It was illogical. It wasn't predictable. It hurt more than losing. It made you feel happier than winning with all your might.  
But through it all, Takumi was his good luck charm.

"Fujiwara."

It was then that Takumi leaned back and took his hand away. He sat back on his seat and put down the emergency brake with Ryousuke's hand still over his.

"That's all I needed to know," he thought himself as he turned on the engine.

While still holding onto Takumi, Ryousuke lifted up his other wrist to look at the clock. It was already noon. Half the day was already gone and the night would come again. It would be another night that would leave him sleepless. Not because of his worry over his plans, but because of the ones he couldn't control.

The nerve-wracking experience that enwrapped his body whenever he watched his brother drive. But nothing compared to when Takumi drove to the starting line.

He would be waiting at the finish line, wanting to hold him. Wanting to say sorry that he asked him to be in such a life-threatening situation. Wanting to say he wanted to shed all his inhibitions and forget all that he was ever taught about life and the way to care for everyone and everything. Wanting to say thank you for coming back to him without being able to with his lips.

And the only thing he could do was smile while putting his hand over shoulder.

Always…always, he wanted to do more than that.

But when they both watched Keisuke watching them, they knew they had to hold back for each of their own reasons. The tension was higher in between those eyes than beating the road and the opponent that came along with it. Would they survive once all this was over?

As Takumi did another test run, he took Ryousuke's hand off the emergency brake and put it on his thigh. They both watched the road as Takumi drifted at the first corner.

It was perfect. Even the exit was smooth.

Ryousuke watched Takumi's steadfast eyes that radiated nothing but resolve and the strength of his character.

He swerved past the next corner.

"That's right. I trust him…" they both thought to themselves. "…with my life."

Takumi held onto the steering wheel as he seriously looked at the road, feeling it by instinct.

_There are times when everything is rushing to my head _

_in a speed that I can__'__t understand, _

_but only feel through. _

_I__'__m in another realm, _

_and I don__'__t know if I can land once I__'__ve learned how to fly._

_I'm afraid of forgetting who I am,  
and where I came from.  
That once I come to the place I__'__ve searched for,  
it will leave me barren inside._

**And here I am always wondering if you hate me for doing this to you.  
If you will learn to hate me for giving you this opportunity that****'****s almost like suicide,  
for giving you all these mixed messages inside the game and outside of it…**

**…****if you****'****ll come back whole once you****'****ve learned to fly.**

Ryousuke's eyes didn't leave Takumi's profile. The usually complacent visage almost wanted to shake out of its honesty. When had Takumi ever had this power over him?

As they came to the finish and parked, Takumi took a deep breath. Ryousuke continued to stare at him quietly as Takumi turned his head to look deeply into Ryousuke's eyes.

"Tadaima," Takumi confidently answered as he pushed away the thought of Keisuke's pained and angry eyes from his head. He pushed all discretion away as he went to Ryousuke's side and sat on his lap.  
Closing his eyes to take a small nap, the boy leaned comfortably on the man.

Holding him closely to him, the man sincerely answered, "Okaeri..."

"…Takumi." Then, he tenderly kissed his light-brown hair and some of his forehead.

**Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s note:** Again, I watched Initial D and it got me all pumped up. I really love this show. (I would so marry Takumi!) And though I should have done homework, I did this instead. I didn't know where it was going, but for some reason, it was easy to write.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Love,  
Yui

November 28, 2004, 2:25 AM


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